Ever felt like your care provider doesn't get you?

Here's what might be going on.

Have you ever found yourself leaving a care provider's appointment thinking "What just happened?" and wishing you had a few more minutes with them to figure out what they were recommending AND how you feel about it?

If so, here are five questions to consider:

Image description: a parent holds their infant and toddler on their lap.

Do you understand the recommendation?

If not, what information are you missing? Have the benefits and risks of both following AND not following the recommendation been provided to you? Have any other options been presented or considered? Write those questions down to take with you to your next appointment.

Do you have a mutually trusting relationship with your care provider?

Authentic trust is earned person to person, through repetitive small actions that prove that you can trust each other. It feels comfortable, safe, and warm.

Trust is NOT automatically generated because one of you is a doctor, a midwife, or a nurse and the other is a patient. That is a situation in which you may HAVE to trust the person sitting across from you because you have no other choice, but it definitely doesn't feel comfortable, safe, and warm - usually, it feels downright terrifying.

Do you feel like your care provider listened to you and made an effort to understand your concerns?

This ties back to trust - if you feel like your care provider doesn't see or value you as a human person, it is nearly impossible to trust them. And that is a recipe for a stressful pregnancy and birth.

It's worth opening a conversation with your care provider and letting them know that you need them to listen to you and respect you, even if they disagree with you.

Is this a vulnerable thing to do? HELL YES! But on the other side of vulnerability is the potential for deeper trust.

And if it turns out that your care provider treats your vulnerability like it's a pile of stinky poo or a painfully hot potato - well, that's good info too and may be a sign that it's time to consider other care provider options. Not all care providers will be the right care provider for you, even if they are a medical genius or your second cousin's boyfriend's mother's niece's favorite.

Do you feel like your right to make informed decisions has been respected, or was the information presented to you as a "done deal"?

If it was presented as a "done deal", is that okay with you or do you need to request that, going forward, your care provider presents information to you and then gives you the time and space you need to make your own decisions? If the latter, take the chance and make the ask because vulnerability (see point above).

Do you feel under pressure, like you need to make a choice RIGHT NOW?

Sometimes, the urgency you feel is a result of how busy your care provider is that day (read: you're channeling THEIR energy) and NOT because there are extra risks or concerns about you or your baby. But if there are, it is always a good idea to ask for some time to think about your options, even if it's just five minutes.

The key? Ask to have that thinking time privately - trying to make a decision while the person waiting for your decision is in the room will not allow you the space you need to actually tune into yourself.

Often, when it comes to medical care, it's easy to believe "You get what you get and you don't get upset" but the reality is that the care provider/client relationship is just like any other human relationship: two people trying to figure out how to meet each other's needs by communicating.

Easy peasy, right?

Nope! And that means that it is not only okay, but truly helpful, to find ways to clearly state your needs. It gives your care provider the opportunity to actually show up for you the way that you need them to AND makes for a more positive pregnancy and birth.

Need support sorting through what is and isn't working for you in your specific care provider relationship? We can help.