6 Signs Your Care Provider is a Rock Star

Have you ever thought about what qualities you want in your medical care providers? What makes a care provider/patient relationship work for you?

If not, and you’re currently pregnant, now’s the time to ask yourself the following questions. In my experience, answering yes to these questions increases the likelihood that you’ll get respectful, nurturing care whether you’re with a midwife, OB, or family doctor for your birth.

Image description: a baby sleeps while their parent holds them on their chest. The baby is wearing a black and white striped shirt and a stripped bib. A watch is visible on the parent’s wrist. A blurred face is smiling in the background.

1. Does your care provider listen to and validate your concerns?

When you’re worried about something, your care provider should provide you time to explain your concerns and then validate them.

When I say validate your concerns, I don’t mean jump into your fear/worry/anxiety storm with you (“You’re right, that’s scary”) . Rather, they say and show you that they understand why it’s a concern for you, that it makes sense that it’s a concern for you, and that they don’t think you’re dumb/weird/ridiculous for being concerned about it, even if it’s not something they personally find worrying.

It's about empathy and kindness. A good care provider strives to understand where you’re coming from.

2. Does your care provider answer your questions, address your concerns and provide additional information/support as needed?

When you bring up a concern to your care provider, they should address it. If you have questions or require clarification, they should take the time to answer and check if you have follow-up questions. They should be willing and eager to provide insight into the thought process behind their recommendations.

They shouldn’t brush you off (“It’s policy” or “That’s just the way it’s done”), imply that whatever you’re concerned about is trivial or not worth their time, or even hint at “It’s fine because I’m the professional and I said it’s fine” (ew, patriarchy). None of those responses are helpful or reassuring.

A good care provider ENCOURAGES you to ask questions, to let them know when you don’t understand something, or need more information. They’re happy to address your concerns, explain where they’re coming from, and clarify anything that doesn’t make sense. They know that you’re in the driver’s seat and that when you understand what you’ve agreed to and why, you’ll feel more confident in your decisions.

3. When your care provider makes a recommendation for a test/treatment/procedure, do they give you time to decide? Do they remind you that it’s always your decision to make?

There are very few situations in pregnancy, birth, or postpartum that require a decision RIGHT NOW. Most of the time, you’ve got time.

A good care provider will remind you that you can take time to think about whatever they’ve recommended and get back to them. They’ll also remind you that YOU have the right to make the decision. Just because they made a recommendation, you aren’t required to accept that recommendation. A good care provider is always putting the power back where it belongs – squarely in your hands.

They’ll let you know clearly and kindly when a situation does require a quick decision. When you’re with a good care provider and those situations do arise, you’ll have a strong foundation of mutual trust and respect which helps you feel confident in their care, especially when things are taking a left turn.

4. Does your care provider include your partner and chosen support in your care?

A good care provider will take the time to introduce themselves, not just to you, but to your partner and any other members of your care team that you invite to appointments or your birth.

They’ll take time to answer your partner’s questions and concerns just as much as they do you. They recognize that your community support is a vital component of your ability to be safe, healthy, and thrive as you transition into parenthood.

If a doula is part of your support team, they understand the benefits and value of doula support and are excited you’ve chosen that for your birth and/or postpartum. A good care provider doesn’t let their ego get in the way of you having your chosen support with you.

5. Does your care provider respect your decisions, even if those decisions are different than what they’d make themselves?

Another way to think of this is does your care provider respect your no? This is about bodily autonomy and boundaries. You’re allowed to say yes, no, maybe, or not right now to ANYTHING your care provider recommends (Check out Alberta Health Services’ Policy on Consent to Treatment/Procedure(s) for more details).

A good care provider respects your right to say no and deals with any fear/concern/anxiety/discomfort it causes them on their own time. They don’t attempt to coerce you (“If you decline this, I’ll need to report you to child protective services”), wear you down (sending in another care provider to make the same recommendation or repeatedly bringing up the same conversation, even if nothing new has happened), or otherwise change your mind.

6. Does your care provider consider your unique situation and capacity when making medical recommendations?

For example, let’s say your care provider has recommended weekly physio appointments during your pregnancy but you have neither the funds nor the benefits to make that feasible. Does your care provider have alternative recommendations or know of affordable options available to you? Do they work with you to find an effective solution that works with your resources?

A good care provider is well-resourced and has more than one way to come at a problem. They’re willing to work with you to find a solution, to listen to you and believe you when you say that something won’t work for you.