Trying to do the impossible
We can influence birth, but we can’t control it
What I mean is that there’re a lot of decisions that you can make in advance of birth that statistically affect outcomes on a population level. For example:
Choosing a midwife increases the chance that you’ll feel positively about your birth experience
Choosing to birth at home decreases the likelihood of experiencing birth interventions
Choosing to have a doula present at your birth reduces the chance you’ll need pain medications
Choosing which hospital you birth at affects your chances of having a cesarean birth
But none of the above are guarantees. When it comes to YOUR birth, you’re a sample size of one and either a thing happens, or it doesn’t.
When you’re thinking about your birth, how you want to feel during your birth, what options for birth most align with you, your values, and preferences, it’s important to make decisions that increase the likelihood of what you’re hoping for.
If you want an unmedicated vaginal birth, choosing to birth at home with a midwife and doula* increases your chances.
If you want an epidural supported vaginal birth, choosing to birth in hospital with a family doctor and a doula* increases your chances.
If you want a scheduled cesarean birth, choosing a supportive OB and a doula* increases your chances.
(*Noticing a theme? 😉)
Here’s the game though: you also have to get comfortable with the fact that even when you make the decisions that align with what you want, birth can and will likely do something you didn’t anticipate.
Birth may ask for something different, show you a fork in the road, tell you that it’s time to take a different path than the one you envisioned.
Acknowledging that you don’t have control takes immense courage and bravery.
And part of preparing for birth is recognizing that even with all the thought and care you put into learning about and understanding your options, making decisions that feel best to you, and mindfully preparing for your birth, you can’t guarantee an outcome (nor can your midwife, OB, or doula no matter what they say or imply).
There is no magic formula, no matter how much you might wish there were.
Once you’ve acknowledged that truth, you can begin to let go of the fear of getting it wrong, of failure, of screwing up. You can’t fail at birth.
You can:
show up for the birth that is unfolding before your feet
commit to taking each step as it appears
commit to keep moving forward
commit to doing what the moment needs, no more and no less
build your inner and outer resources to prepare for whatever might come, good or bad
and trust in your own strength, wisdom, discernment, and resilience.
It’s a potent gift to give yourself, especially as you move into postpartum and parenting where (you guessed it) you also have influence but no control. 🤫
This process of getting comfortable with the unknown? Your doula can help. Ready to take the next step?
