Parenting and Returning to Work

Five years ago, I was pregnant with my first daughter.

I was a birth doula, attending births in my 33rd week of pregnancy.

Round and ripening, I supported other birthing families as their babies made their way earthside.

I knew my time was coming soon.

Image description: a parent holds their baby on their lap, reading a children’s illustrated board book.

I was also working full-time in an administrative role for a not-for-profit. My days (and some nights!) were full and I was doing work that called me to show up in passion. My parental leave began at 37 weeks, and I didn’t really know what to do with myself while I waited for my baby.

I thrived in the busy-ness and the bustle of my own life. My bustle focused inward into my home and I nested with reckless abandon.

My baby arrived at 41weeks and 2 days. I had hired a birth and postpartum doula, I had breastfeeding support, and I transitioned into motherhood with joy and confidence. While I acknowledge this is not everyone’s experience, I am so grateful it was mine. I wouldn’t trade my team or my village for anything. 

I spent the next twelve months in pure postpartum bliss.

Then, it was time to return to work. My husband and I decided to switch gears. I went back to work full time to my 40 hour per week non-profit gig and took the odd doula client. My husband stayed home with our daughter and did what real estate transactions he could fit in, working the odd night shift at a part-time job.

I confess, much like my postpartum joy experience above, my return to work felt joyful too. Our baby got to bond with my husband in their own way. I’d had my year with her and now it was his turn. She got to stay at home in her own routine and we got to save all the dollars.

Working a 40 hour work week meant I had about two hours in the evening with my daughter before she went to bed, and we’d have weekends. I began to covet the weekends and felt remorse and resentful if I overbooked our precious weekends with too many plans (birthday parties always fall on Saturdays, don’t they?).

With my husband working most evenings, we were ships in the night handing off our daughter and making it work. We have no parents in Calgary, but brothers and sisters-in-law with busy families of their own. It was at this stage in my return to work that I jealously ached for nearby grandparents who could babysit. I also ached for my family to better know our baby. 

The second month into my return to work I discovered I was pregnant again.

I was over the moon to be unexpectedly pregnant so quickly, I couldn’t wait to get back into my routine at home – now with two babies!

Time sped faster in my second pregnancy somehow, and in what felt like the blink of an eye, I was giving birth again.

With a rockstar team assembled, our second daughter entered the world in a whoosh.

Now, I’m at home with two babies and there is this feeling of anxiety I just can’t shake. It’s harder, there is more to manage, there is less hands to do it with (it seems), and there is never enough time.

This baby is different from my first baby. WHAT?! My second baby needs the breasts and nothing else will do. It’s harder to leave her even with her dad to get an evening to myself.

For eleven months solid, my life orbits solely around my children’s needs and schedule. Parental leave this time around is a different experience, it tests my patience and energy stores more. Postpartum anxiety plays a role this time. 

With two babies, going back to work starts to loom ever present. What’s it going to be like this time?

Well for starters, I get an IUD so we don’t land ourselves where we did twelve months ago. My husband is more established in his real estate career, so I don’t go back to 40 hours per week. Instead, I commit to 10 hours per week working contract rather than salary and I take more doula clients.

My awesome sisters-in-law save the day when my husband is working and I get called to births and we need on-call childcare. Working has become far more complicated now we have two small children.

My anxiety is still playing up, so I increase my exercise and see a therapist more frequently. It really, really, really helps me feel capable and on top of things.

When my youngest is 17 months old, we make a move as a family that suits all of our needs and desires. We upgrade our home and my Dad moves in with us all the way from his long-time home in Ontario.

We suite our basement and my Dad is now a permanent fixture in our life. My girls have their Grandpa close, and we have a third adult in the house to fill in those pesky shift work gaps when we both have to work and need childcare.

While I can appreciate that not everyone can (or wants to) live with their parents, I will tell you that for us the inter-generational living arrangement saved the day and contributed positively to my mental health.

The key is to do what works for you and your family! There is no right or wrong way to go back to work. There are as many ways to do it, each with its own challenges and rewards, as there are families doing it.

Don’t be afraid to think outside the box and to work together as a team with your partner to find your own way.